Seeking Myself

Chronicles of an American Yogi

My spiritual advisor once suggested that maybe I was a saint since I was always fraught with distress about my spiritual condition. I’d like to think she was right and that it’s indeed true for all of us, we are all saints-in-the-making. There is no denying we have come into this lifetime with the mother-load of karma and yet still here we are ready to move it once and for all.

Another longtime friend reminded me of my deep anguish back when I desperately wanted to FIND MY OWN GURU (saint), not wanting to take on her teacher or anyone else’s. So I went guru-shopping as part of my quest to find inner peace.

As a result, I found myself in the presence of greatness. By greatness, I mean in the company of people with wondrous personal power or Shakti as it is called in Yoga. Shakti is our birthright and we all had large doses of it in childhood, but for many it became camouflaged. Shakti could also be considered one’s energy body or auric field which can be cultivated and expanded through regular communion with one’s higher self.

The first time I felt the effects of a saint’s GIANT SHAKTI FIELD, I was in the northwestern corner of Connecticut. I sat in a very crowded room feeling quite naive and seriously nervous as we awaited her entrance. I will tell you, I did not so much see her as much as I FELT HER as she entered the hall. As soon as she arrived a wave of Shakti flooded the space and created a profound sense of awe in me with tears glistening in my eyes. Shri Anandi Ma made her mark on me that day.

I wasn’t ready for the level of discipline required to be initiated, so I moved on.

I had a similar experience with Sai Maa when I met her in Albany, NY. Her Shakti energy felt even stronger when she entered the space, like liquid light washing over us all. That day she spoke of the Seraphim as enormous burning beings of light that help to organize the Universe and create life.

Sai Maa is a force to be reckoned with and she holds an amazing amount of light in her body, but still I wasn’t called heart to heart.

While studying Anusara Yoga I was introduced to Swami Chidvilasananda of the Siddha Yoga tradition.

I began driving an hour north weekly to visit that ashram, taking in her messages, buying books and trying to force myself into yet another branch of Yoga that was not quite mine. Just a few months after I got involved, the Swami took a vow of silence and stopped making any public appearances. I took it as a clear sign to back away.

Bhagavan Das came into my life the year I opened my yoga studio and I thought for sure he would be my guru. And although he taught me a whole lot, he was not the one either. Bhagavan Das was the devotee who introduced the famous Ram Dass to his guru before he wrote Be Here Now. Bhagavan Das also led me Ma Jaya at the Kashi Ashram in Florida who was a life-long devotee of Baba Neem Karoli. He told me how much I would love her but still I didn’t end up there until after she passed from her body

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I’ve had a great many teachers along the way; ones who have led me to truth and others who set a clear example of how I do not want to live. Neem Karoli Baba has come alive for me the most. He & Jesus are my brothers in spirit. I am doing their good work just by being awakened each day to the wonders all around me.

Now I know I am meant to walk this path standing strong in my knowing and
bowing to my innermost Self.
G-U-R-U: Gee, you are you.